Work Too Much?????

I have been hearing this a lot therefore I decided to tackle this topic because to be honest it really makes no sense to me at all….
I don’t seem to understand it when women say “I cheated because he’s always at work, he works to much.”
Now don’t get me wrong I know there should be a balance between work and family but at the same time with the rising cost of everything, is there really a such thing as “working to much”? How can you say they don’t have time to take care of home when if they weren’t working then there couldn’t be a home to take care of. How can you say they work too much and that’s why you cheated when we know if they didn’t work at all or have anything to bring in you would use that as an excuse for cheating also. We know if he couldn’t help at home he would be all types of no good, good for nothing so & so and any other derogatory names you and your “friends” can come up with, you would start playing No Scrubs by TLC while you and your “friends” danced around the living room or the home his hard earned money is paying for. You would dance around playing music on a computer or radio that is using electricity that he is working hard to pay for. You would tell him once again “If you were taking care of home I wouldn’t of cheated”, which takes us right back to where we started how can he take care of home when there is no home to take care of.

Bottom Line: You can’t have it both ways either you want a man that will be a man and do what real men, which is work and take care of their families the best they can, or you want a boy to play house with because your son is not old enough to play and do the things you need or want done. Now that only leaves you with two choices, let the man work & you be faithful & stop complaining or you get your butt out there, get a job, let him sit home and you pay all the bills then tell me how tired you are at the end of the day and you get home and he wants this and that and everything else he feels he deserves by being your mate.
You don’t have to go out and cheat and use the excuse “He works to much” if you really feel that way then sit down talk to him about how you’re feeling and if you can’t come to a happy medium then maybe you need to find a man, my bad a boy that don’t want to work!

 

 

 

CHELLE B.

Cutting People Out

Life is to short to spend with people who suck the happiness out of you. When you have to start compromising yourself and what you belief in order for others to be happy then it's time for you to make some major cuts in your life and those you have in it.  Cutting people out your life is not always because you hate them it's because you have to respect yourself a little bit more and not continue to settle for whatever is thrown your way. Don't feel because you've been "down" with someone from day one it's meant for you to continue the friendship or relationship some of those "ships" are the very reason you're still stranded, you fail to take notice of all the holes in it. Some people consider themselves so loyal that they don't see their so called "loyalty" is really hindering, hurting and holding them back from meaningful progress. You have to understand that those so called friends are only your friend because they see you as being in the same situation they're in or they consider you to be worse off than they are therefore it makes them feel good about themselves. You have to be able to recognize the negativity in your life and be willing to get rid of it if you ever plan on getting farther than where you are at in life, you have to understand that not everyone wants good for you. You have to recognize your own worth and stop valuing yourself based off what other have to say about you. You have to be strong enough to let people go and yet in still be patient enough to wait on the right people to enter into your life. Stop allowing old soul ties to keep you in bondage and leaving you stuck, make up your mind that you deserve happiness, tell yourself you deserve better and then seek better. Cutting people off may not seem good in the beginning but it's the end where it all matters. If we all take this mindset we will see our lives would be more stress free. Get off that sinking ship and get back to dry land!!

More people, More problems, lessen your problems by lessening the people around you.



CHELLE B.

Titles & Relationships

I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW HOW IMPORTANT IS A TITLE TO YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP. Do you feel the need to identify your mate as your girlfriend and or boyfriend?

 
 
 

 I have encountered the problem myself a time or two but it seems as though I was on the other end, I didn't and still don't see a reason for having to let everyone know your relationships status. At one point I can say I wanted to put it out there but he was against for whatever reason so I agreed to it, even though I changed my status on FB for a long time it didn't say with who it just said I was in a relationship. Then when he felt he was comfortable with everything or better yet when he saw guys popping up on my page left and right he wanted to change it so it said we were in a relationship with each other. To be honest I didn't have a problem with it and it only bothered me because he was doing it for all the wrong reasons. He was doing it because he felt it would keep guys from commenting on my pictures and or in-boxing me in Facebook, needless to say he was very wrong and after the change I got more messages in my message box and like more than ever.
See to me having a "title" in a relationship is all about status and claiming, but not just any status it makes you feel as though you have an "official" status one that is meant to bring equalization to your relationship that maybe you feel the last one didn't have. As if you're trying to surpass the previous status of you all's last relationship who you feel may have held a bigger and more prominent title than you are currently holding. You feel it's a status that needs to be acknowledge by your mate, friends and or outsiders to make your relationship look official. 
See often times I tend to ask "Why Do People Need Titles" and I have came up with many reasons. Some people need validation, some people are insecure and feel better if others know their mate is with them. Some people think it tells them where they fit it and or stand with the other person, as if it may tell others what to think or expect from their relationship. They feel it will give the a sense of ownership and that in obtaining that title they have the right to have certain expectations and will know what their responsibilities in the relationship are.
People need to understand that if you're in a good and healthy relationships that you both understand then you all don't need to be fussing over spoken or unspoken status. I feel that you shouldn't need to validate your relationship just for others to feel good or know your business. Now I'm going to be honest I feel the only relationship that should hold a title and be acknowledge is "MARRIAGE". I mean if you're "boyfriend" "girlfriend" then fine no problems with that just know that putting your status out there and it not saying "married" then people still see the others are fair game, but it's up to your mate to check that person and tell you about it.
Don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong if you want to put out there that you're in a relationship, just know when doing so it attracts more people to you then not saying you're in a relationship. See you need to understand that "NO BODY WANTS SOMEBODY THAT NO ONE ELSE WANTS", and with making your relationship public it will draw more people to you and or your mate. Trust me I've seen it happen to many times. People want what they think others have, plain and simple.

I can honestly say that I believe this!!

SO I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU ALL: DO YOU FEEL THAT TITLES HELP OR HURT RELATIONSHIPS?



                                 




CHELLE B.

How Much Can You Endure....

 

 

As we all know there is no such thing as a perfect relationship and if anyone say there is they are lying. A relationship can be all that you make it out to be but the main question is "How Much Can You Endure" meaning how much are you willing to take and how long are you willing to stand by your mate through adversities. The same way relationships are different so are the people that are in them. You see one person may can handle way more than the other but at the same time hold it in better than the other person. Regardless of what is going on everyone has their breaking point at some point or another and they just feel like throwing in the towel, giving up and just walking away from it all. Some people tend to stay because they feel the time they have put it is far more important than walking away and actually being happy, where as others stay because they simple don't want to have to start over so comfort is far better than reality. Then you have those who stay out of guilt because they don't want to hurt the other person with fear of the backlash that it may cause.

Either way it all boils down to "how much can you endure"? One thing I do know is that you should never stay with someone out of guilt because in the end it will do more harm than good, see if the other person found out they may hurt you or themselves and or you could end up living a very lonely and unfulfilled life. Staying with someone out of guilt or pity is never the route to take no matter what the situation is or was. Now if you truly love and you're truly in love with someone then you can and will endure all just to be with that person because only you know if the sacrifices are worth it. But if you truly know in your heart of hearts that you're no longer happy and you can no longer hold on and your ready to let go, and move on then you should really share that with the other person, no need in letting them think other wise and no need in keeping them tied to you when you are no longer tied to them.

Just like anything in life if you can endure the bad and rocky times in your relationship then you will surely enjoy the gain at the end, if you can just hold out. But once again if you truly know in your heart of hearts you're no longer happy and you don't want to be there anymore then getting out will only be the fair thing to do.

Endure the pain, Enjoy the gain.

Yes I know it sounds easy to some and hard to others but if everything worth having came to us so easily then they really wouldn't be worth having now would they..

So no matter what the situation may be just ask yourself "How Much Can I Endure?"

They say LOVE endures all, how true is that?

 

 

CHELLE B.

Do Actions Speak Louder Than Words....

We all have heard the saying "Actions speak louder than words" well after careful consideration and after dealing with certain things and being put in certain situations I have come to challenge this age old saying, because if a person is listening to you their actions will mimic exactly what you want at that time, so does that really mean their heart is in it.

I feel that words have more power than you care to believe they have, see to me someone can do whatever it is they have heard you say you want or need done and it not really mean much for the simple fact that they are just going through the motions of what they know you expect and therefore they are going to do what you want or need them to do in order to get what they want and or need from you. To me if I sit and talk to a person I can gauge their feelings and true intentions through their words and words have a better chance at piercing my heart than their actions. Don't get me wrong I like to receive certain tokens of love and affection, things like "just because" flowers and cards. But to me most of the time actions are just a person going through the motions to fulfill the desire, want or need you have at the present moment or near future for their benefit of getting or obtaining something from you in the process. Understand this I can go out and buy whatever it is I think will make you happy, simply because I have sat and listened to the "words" you have spoken and since I now know that will please you I feel that if I go purchase that item I stand a better chance of getting whatever it is I want from you. See I don't just want a person doing this and doing that because you feel it's what I want and you're thinking about yourself in the process. Sit and talk to me and let me look into your soul through your eyes and hear the words that you speak that way I can tell if you're being honest and truthful with me. I don't want to have my judgment of you cloudy by the things that you do for me, let my mind and heart be cloudy by the truth that you speak into my heart and soul. You may can go out and buy me anything I want in the world but none of that will mean a thing to me if you can't speak the truth to me. See at the end of the day when you are getting to know someone or even after you feel you know them all you have is their word and I truly feel your word should be your bond and if you can't take a person at their word then their actions are fruitless. Yes I know people can tell lies but understand that actions lie and speak louder than words when you find out the action was a lie. Having someone go through the motions of "pleasing" you only to get to you or something from you. When all you should have done in the beginning was sit down and have a good face to face talk with them so you could look into their eyes and truly hear their words.

So once again I have to ask that question: Do actions really speak louder than words?



WORDS HAVE POWER

 

 

 

CHELLE B.

Just because you did don't mean they will

We all have heard that you are not suppose to think about or speak about the things you do for others and even though I am a believer in not speaking about or talking about it to others you can’t help but to think about those things especially when you are going through troubles, trials, tribulations and hard times. See I don’t focus on what I did or how much I gave I only wonder why no one seems to remember those things you do for them when you need some type of help. I have been known to allow people to keep my cars while I stay home just so they could get back and forth to work and anywhere else they may need to go. I have been known to get up out my bed all times of the morning and night just to make sure that someone was at work on time at the doctor on time or anything else they had to do. I have been known to give my last or risk having my own utilities shut off just to make sure someone else wouldn’t have theirs shut off. I have been known to take care of kids when others didn’t want to be bothered with their own kid/kids. I have heard many excuses but my favorite one is always you live to far, the funny thing about that is more than likely I was living in the same place or even farther when you asked for my help and I didn’t hesitate one bit. I didn’t make you come to me to get what you needed I brought it to you, I didn’t say you need to find another way I got up and came to you no questions asked, no if’s and’s and but’s either.
You see I have always been known to be the strong one but people fail to understand that there comes a time when even the strong gets weak from being strong. I know the Lord will not put more on me then I can bare but you see people are not like God, they will continue to pile on and not even thinking about you or your needs. You see I was once asked a question during an interview and they asked me to name my biggest strength and weakness and when I informed them that my strength and weakness were the same they asked how. You see my biggest strength is the compassion I have for others, by putting their needs before my own and my biggest weakness is also the compassion I have for others because they see what you do and they tend to take advantage of it and or take you for granted. Once I explained it to them they understood exactly where I was coming from but I’m amazed at how many don’t seem to understand that your biggest strength can also be your biggest weakness. To be honest I can say that these last few months have really showed and taught me a lot, it made me take my blinders off and face reality. I have never had a problem with helping anyone but now I know who I can help that will truly appreciate it and who won’t take my kindness as a weakness or for granted. I have learned that you can’t always be strong and that it is OK to cry sometimes. I have learned that tough times don’t last always and if I can just hold on until the end of the storm I will see brighter days and sunshine. I have learned that a lot of my sorrow and tears were caused by me because I allowed certain people to get over on me. I have learned that no matter how much you may help someone they will still stab you in your back. The saying is you get out what you put in and that is true but the thing about that is don’t expect it to always come back from those that you once helped. There are time when we have to say lesson learned and move on because you can’t make someone help you back just for you helping them, life is funny like that.


CHELLE B.

Mother Yes....Father No....

Now with Father's Day being two days away I decided to tackle this topic.

Now I'm sure this will ruffle some feathers but the only thing I can say right now is "OH WELL",

see I can write about this and say this because this use to be me until a few years ago.

For years single mothers have felt a need to have both Mother's Day and Father's Day, like I said at one point I was in that same boat but really realized a few years ago I needed to get out and get on the sideline so all the "REAL" dads could enjoy their day; I mean once you think about it they have earned it.

You see whether the father is around or not I am still just MOM, I was not born with a penis between my legs nor do I have the desire to be a man so why should I celebrate a mans holiday. Why should I insert myself into a day that was set aside just for them when they didn't insert themselves in a day that was designated just for me. As women we need to understand and realize that we can't be mom and dad, we can be mom and mom only. Yes you may be there twenty four seven with no help from the sperm donor but at the same time you can't be what you are not and that is a man. The only thing you can do is be the best mom you know how to be and not try to be the man. We all have heard the saying a woman can't raise a man, well that may be true to a certain extent, I raised a fine young man but I have to admit he had wonderful male role models in his life along the way and to be truthful I didn't do it by myself.

I understand that some women have been made bitter and angry because they have to do the job by themselves but at the same time it doesn't make you the mother and the father because you didn't make them by yourselves, there was a man involved in the situation at some point in time. Yes some of us have the right to be angry but if most of us sat down and thought about the situation we would realize we put ourselves in the "single" parent realm. We knew if it was just suppose to be a booty call, we knew that the guy wasn't father or mate material and some even knew he had a "main" lady but you figured having a baby would keep him around. Now how wrong was that thought?

 

Also ladies it's like this if you have a man that wants to be a part of their kid/kids life please don't stop them simply because things didn't work out between y'all. You see in the end the only one that is getting hurt and suffering is the child, not the man and I'm sure not you. Stop bashing the man in front of the child and let the child grow up to see things for themselves. You never know what the man might be willing to do if you just put your hurt and anger to the side and let him in the kid/kids life. They may just surprise you!

 

Bottom Line for me is this:

Do you, be the best mom you know how to be and come Sunday, June 16, 2013 salute all the real DADS that you know and give them the praise they deserve because that day is set aside just for them the same way Mother's Day is set aside just for us.

 

LADIES THIS IS WHAT I HAVE TO SAY TO YOU ACCEPT IT OR NOT IT'S TRUE

 

 

CHELLE B.